So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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