walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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