Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
