there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
