So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
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