Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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