Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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