he puts the penis in happiness.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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