Cold hands, warm shart.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
