i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
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