ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
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