Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just gargled with NyQuil
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
