Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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