you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
