the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
