i think my tv is drunk
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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