i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
