zippers are such a cool invention
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
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