There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
What drink are we having for lunch?
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
