My girlfriend figured out who you are.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
