I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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