home. puking in laundry basket.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
