Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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