Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
