tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
3pm strippers are depressing
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
Randomize
