yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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