U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Randomize
