I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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