She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
