I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
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