it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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