Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
