I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
