MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
