batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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