My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Randomize
