hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Randomize
