I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
