im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
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So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
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he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
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