Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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