I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
