dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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