Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
