I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
