Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Randomize
