I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
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There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
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Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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