I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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