Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Randomize
