an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
