Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
See this is why people shouldn't jump into marriage. See what type of drunk you're engaged to first.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We are all done wearing pants today
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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