barbara walters just said penis...
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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