Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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