Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
