The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
So I just went to clothing optional bar
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
