She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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