drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Randomize
