so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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