i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I could fuck to npr.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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