Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
