DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she smelled like a LAN party
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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