Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
