Someone shit on the floor
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
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