I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
