I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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