I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
