Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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