May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
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I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
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Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"