It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.