I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
