meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
