It's Friday. Sex?
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility