I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
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