tell your sister to shave her snatch
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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