Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card