We got so high we made milksteak
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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