Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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