fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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