just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
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