Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
