I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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