I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize