I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
