Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
