i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
