i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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