Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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