Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
