The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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