Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
