I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
