i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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