Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
My legs feel like baby dolphins
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
