Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
