actually, I'm a sock model
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
Randomize
