What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
