I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
